Healing in Nature - Sojourn to Sedona
Connecting to nature in an intentional manner can have profound impacts upon our personal work, that is, the work of building up and further integrating the personality. Putting oneself in the domain of the Earth Mother while eschewing modern forms of media can produce powerful somatic, affective, and visual manifestations that approach the miraculous. Just as a short hike can restore our senses and distance us from our woes, more extended periods have the capacity to put us into a prolonged altered state, one mediated by nature and not by the demands of the human world. Sincere engagement with Her can yield effects that do not seem plausible but are nonetheless present, and such phenomena hint at the infinitely interconnected nature of the Universe. In order to better articulate this, I will recount a journey I took in March of last year, just as the COVID-19 pandemic descended, into the heart of the American Southwest.
Hearing the Call
It was a Monday afternoon. Rumors had circulated of a novel coronavirus making its way around the world. Commuter trains had already starkly diminished in travelers; the world was sat on the edge of a knife. The balance swayed for me on this day as the administration of my institution made the decision to become remote until further notice. Out of this announcement I received a call to go out into the Southwest, to visit Zion National Park, spend three days there, and ask for Nature’s healing. Preparations were made, and a course was set just a few days later.
Improvisations would have to be made, as conditions would not allow for back-country camping. It would be one day in Zion, two more in Arizona. As I drove through an empty park on a cold March morning, a light snow fell that amplified as my ascent began. There was incredible majesty in those moments, and it was clear that Mother was aware of both my presence and intentions. Eight miles up and down those beautiful black and tan mountains, and my course was set for Flagstaff, AZ, where I would spend the next three days.
A number of books accompanied me on the journey, but the one that I gravitated towards was Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés. It became clear as I started reading that the purpose of this journey would be to contact the wild feminine and ask for Her healing.
Deepening into the Journey – The Long Slog Song
The second day the chosen trail could not be accessed by vehicle. Pausing for a moment, I decided to go through with it, taking the long walk up to the trailhead that would constitute the entire hike (~10 miles there and back). Though the scenery was, at times, beautiful, the snow was dirty and slushy, and my boots were soaked midway through. Intuition continued to guide me as I sang to the wilderness. We do not often remark on it, but there is tremendous power in our voice. The diaphragm, trachea, and rib cage all resonate in union with our word. It is a piece of ancient technology, and it was my means of beckoning the Earth Mother. This hike was not particularly interesting, mostly flat with little scenery. It narrowed the intention to offering my song and sweat to the sacred, symbolic of the step-after-step approach that is required if we are to find the destinations we seek. It ain’t always pretty, and it ain’t always interesting. There was little timidity in my presence; my song led Her right to me.
Culmination of Efforts and Intentions
The final day would take place at the Munds Wagon trail out near the Cow Pies in Sedona, one of the famous vortex sites. I followed the same pattern as days prior – head out early in the morning for a hike, sing, and revel in majesty. I sang “Green Valley” to a roaring river, a song about deferring to the judgment of the river and nature, trusting Her flow. About halfway through the hike I saw a slated red rock waterfall over which the stream solidly flowed, passing over rocks frozen like blown glass. It called me over to sit, rest, and watch. My ex-partner of five years manifested in my awareness: the loss, the pain, suffering, and confusion. It became clear within this moment that in holding onto her I had also been holding onto a piece of myself that had long since perished. Upon having that thought my psyche and heart broke open. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I wailed and cried as if no one were around. As the body continued to express the pain I had not allowed myself to feel, a vision arose from behind closed eyes. I saw her in a white gown, her gold hair splayed out radially behind her. She was inches beneath the surface of a clear blue lake. Her garments were wrapped around my wrists from my death-grip. She looked at me with a deep solemnity and understanding. Tears in my eyes, I released her. Slowly she sank out of sight. The vision altered – I was in the embrace of two of my closest female friends. A soothing feminine voice reached out, saying “I know, child. I know coming to consciousness hurts.” For three days I had put myself in Her domain, sang to Her, read at night stories bearing the sanctity and fortitude of the wild feminine, focused my awareness away from the worlds of social media and television, and on the third day She spoke to me directly and sent her emissaries to hold me while I accepted in totality the loss that had long ago occurred.
Experiences like this defy logical explanation. One could argue that this was the projections and machinations of the brain and my subject, but the therapeutic value of the experience cannot be underestimated. The voice that spoke to me was not my ego, and the two female friends that appeared were spontaneous and in one case, surprising. For me, this is a particular subjective experience that could be replicated with the appropriate mindset and intentions carried out through ritual, ritual being the physical embodiment of psychological processes. To place myself into communion with Nature and have Her satisfy my call speaks to the reality of a totally interconnected Universe, one that our own minds and bodies are not separate or distinct from. Something beyond me spoke and offered instruction: go to the Southwest, go to Zion. I went and paid respect to the Mother, worshipped Her physical being and sang my songs to Her. In the end I was rewarded with healing, a release of pain that continued to poison me. As further evidence of an interconnected Universe, I offer these two synchronicities: first, I hiked a total of 31 miles over 3 days, traveling 13 on the final day. As this was the climax of the journey, I found it interesting that it would be 13 of 31, a whole contained within the part. The second is that one of my favorite music groups, Magic Sword, released a song called “Empress” on this very same day, one that stands in contrasted character to the majority of their work, somber and slow. Empress, divine feminine power, released on the day that the Earth Mother had touched my heart and promoted peace. I must have listened to that song 40 times on my journey back home the following day, allowing all of the pain to continue to wash over and out of me, feeling the response and attention of an empathic Universe.
The Universe is far more aware of us than we would care to admit. The field of experience in which we live has the capacity to interact with us not only on the physical plane, but on an emotional and psychological level as well. Becoming aware of this relationship is a way for us to heal both collectively and individually, to defeat isolation, and to open the gateway into a world that is far more alive and magical.
The Sentient Soul
