Reconciling the Good and the Bad
Michael Ebbinghaus • August 24, 2022
Consciousness Expands in All Directions

The game of power and domination was a fun one for certain members of our species to play for a time. There is a sense of order as to why it became a principle part of our psychology. From as best I can tell, it was a necessary evil to our existence as self-aware beings. We became aware enough to know that ourselves and our kin were of the same constitution; it would take longer to recognize this in other groups of people and with the whole of nature at large. It is this latter movement that we are in the painful, messy phases of moving through and integrating.
It is also a trauma pattern, a way of creating safety for our kinship groups by defending against the “others,” because the fact is that we have been engaged in warfare and subjugation regardless of our ancestry. The fair and dark skinned are equally guilty, victims and victimizers all the same. Though the enslavement of African peoples is more recent, the fears and scars are just as present in all. This does not discount the greater intensity of social consequences for non-European peoples due to this recency effect.
"Growing in consciousness brings both an increased capacity to do good and evil."
This collective trauma pattern, due to its ubiquity, is sewn into every human soul. Humans possess greater access to the whole of the psyche, which is why we act in ways that are more cunning than the animals, good or bad. Elk do not seek to devise a way in which all their kin may be fed (they still display these same territorial characteristics, in fact), and chimpanzees, vicious though they are, do not conceive of the rich horrors we have perpetuated on each other.
Growing in consciousness brings both an increased capacity to do good and evil. There is no one without the other: arising to a new stage solves the problems of the former one but brings about new issues that can only be reconciled by rising again. New, previously inconceivable issues arise, and the cycle keeps going.
I wish I could write to you with an earnest heart and say that an increase in collective consciousness will end all unnecessary suffering. It will not. Our capacity to enjoy existence and to suffer it are each magnified – there is no one without the other. The great hope of increasing collective consciousness is that more and more people come to the stage where they truly feel their brethren’s pain, that the pirate who rapes the girl that throws herself off the boat recognizes that he is also the girl. But in that statement you can see the futility of trying to convince him of this. I can already hear the masses exclaiming “just give him psychedelics!”, but the experience would absolutely be interpreted at his present worldview, and he would be in grave danger of declaring himself God over all others, perhaps making him viler and more exploitative.
It is good to wish and work for a better world. But what does that mean, exactly, and how can we appreciate the majesty of where we are now? It is no doubt that there have been appalling consequences to globalization by European societies: many nations and groups of people remain fractured, we are addicted to social media, pornography, and every manner of material/substance, we have grown divorced from the ecology of our lands and of our own selves. Yet the stage is set for a major integration, one where our magnificent technological prowess can marry the roots of our natural upbringing, and we come into harmony with the planet, our environment, and each other in such a way that this becomes paradise.
"The great hope of increasing collective consciousness is that more and more people come to the stage where they truly feel their brethren’s pain..."
I know these views seem inimical. Here I’ve asserted that Heaven can be had, while earlier I acknowledged that Hell never leaves. Consciousness cannot expand in only one direction, and in fact we wouldn’t wish this. The dance of good and bad keeps the game going and makes it fun. Perhaps it is the conception of good and evil as irreconcilable opposites that has put us in the incredibly divisive situation we’re in.
I had a vision recently while falling asleep of a vivid demon priest. It was as if I were on medicine – I could see him so clearly, and the rotting flesh of his face was being interpenetrated with shadows, vines, regrowth and decay. He wore a blood-red robe, and he had the head of a rotting ram with dark yellow sockets, no eyes. The only words that came to me were: “Your power pales in comparison to the Almighty, from which YOU are also a creation.” He really did not like this. As much as they might try to deny this, it is true. Even the demonic is a creation.
The real difference in between creating Heaven on Earth vs. creating Hell, as we did in some parts of the 20th century, is the degree to which we are conscious of this. When our being, or parts of it, remain in unconsciousness, they grow dark and fetid. When they are brought to the light of consciousness and loving awareness, they flourish and grow.
Yet the opposite is also true – when we consciously promote the dark elements of our being, Hell really can manifest on the Earth as it did in the concentration camps and occult fascination of the Nazi high command.
I can’t say to what degree we should deny the demonic in ourselves – one really is playing with fire there. Gandalf, one of the most powerful wizards in all the land, is capable of facing the Balrog, but it does kill him. What I can say is that projecting it onto others while denying it in us is certainly not the answer. It is a recipe to ensure suffering.
The way forward, then, entails taking responsibility for and setting order to our inner kingdom, then replicating that process in our communities and nations. This means that we relinquish the narrative and dynamic of doer and done to. It does not mean that we relinquish boundaries or our right to life. But there is a way to channel our aggression, our greed, and lust towards a beatific and shared vision of living in a world that most of us would enjoy living in: a place where we can be free, where we and our children may play without fear, and where possibilities are continually expanding.
Which is all to say that doing our inner work so we might do our outer work has never been more important. There are many helpful guides and teachers along the way, both living and deceased, to whom we can learn from. The ones I admire and value are listed on the resources
page.
And while we are doing our inner work, confronting the shadow, and taking responsibility for ourselves, we should also remember to (while forgetting everything else!) walk in the forest, swim in the river, make love, break bread, and do what is delightful to us. For that is available to many of us right now, and is the true expression of Heaven on Earth.
The Sentient Soul

What is Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy? Ketamine-assisted psychotherapy (KAP) is a modality that uses low dose ketamine alongside talk therapy to access non-ordinary states of consciousness, helping clients process trauma, depression, and anxiety in a new and deeper way. One of the most common complaints about traditional psychotherapy is that it can take a very long time for unconscious material to surface, even after a solid relationship has formed with your therapist. While there are techniques we utilize in our practice that do not require substances (e.g. dreamwork, sentence completion, automatic writing/drawing, etc.), the introduction of intentional medicine work can reliably shift one into an altered state of consciousness, catalyzing access to unconscious material. After a brief introductory period, you will take ketamine under supervision from your therapist either in-office or virtually in the comfort of your own home. The therapist will guide you to take your own journey as well as direct you towards areas that might benefit from exploration in an alternate perspective. Learn more What is Ketamine? Ketamine is a dissociative anesthetic acting primarily on the glutamate neurotransmitter system. This differentiates it from the traditional psychedelics like LSD and psychedelic mushrooms which are much more prominent in the serotonin system. Ketamine increases neural plasticity, meaning that the brain becomes more flexible to change, open to new insights and behaviors. Ketamine has been used for over 50 years as a surgical anesthetic. It has no impact on the respiratory system, making it one of the most safe and effective medicines available. It is classified as a WHO top 10 essential medicine, and it is so safe that it is still the anesthetic of choice for children. It is a schedule III medication approved for off-label use in assisted psychotherapy, meaning a healthcare professional must be supervising in some capacity. Screening is essential, see below for more information. How KAP Works One of the things we like to stress is that the medicine is taking you to a place within yourself. It is not the ketamine "doing" anything other than relaxing your emotional defenses and allowing for exploration of consciousness. That said, you will feel a degree of relaxation in your body as well as your mind, which allows things which we keep buried to come up to the surface. By shifting into an alternate state of consciousness, we are able to sublimate many of the barriers we have in place that remain opaque to us. Oftentimes simply allowing this material to surface creates greater harmony, and you ma find yourself saying "Oh - this is what I've been afraid of for so long? It's not so big and scary after all." This is not always the case, of course. The nature of what is hidden can also be very painful, which is why the presence of the therapist as well as the therapeutic relationship is imperative when first working with alternate states of consciousness and healing trauma. What Does KAP Treat? Ketamine's claim to fame comes from its potent and immediate anti-depressive effect . While this requires lifestyle change and further exploration - greatly benefitted by depth psychotherapy - this can be incredibly helpful to those experiencing treatment resistant depression. It does this primarily through breaking up rigid neural networks (enhanced neuroplasticity), limiting one's ability to ruminate. Ketamine for depression can be powerful, indeed. In a meta-analysis of over 2,500 patients, it was found that 45% of people had significant drops in clinical depressions inventories, with 30% in remission. The benefits were often sustained at 6-month follow up. Ketamine-assisted therapy can be helpful for those who experience post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD . The clinical evidence here is quite strong, with multiple meta-analyses and an open label study showing durable and significant reductions in PTSD symptoms in as many as 69% of respondents and up to six-months' follow up. Ketamine for trauma is widely studied and efficacious. Anxiety is also significantly reduced after brief KAP treatments. In a glimpse, ketamine can treat: Treatment-resistant depression PTSD and trauma-related symptoms Anxiety and existential distress Addiction and maladaptive coping Spiritual exploration or life transitions What Does Treatment Look Like At Ebb & Flow Depth Psychotherapy, we believe in the importance of a strong therapeutic relationship to help sustain the positive effects from ketamine treatment. To this end, prior to any medicine session, there are 6-8 preparation sessions (this can be reduced to 2-4 if you are already working with another therapist). From there, we will conduct two initial dosing sessions with an integration session in between each. We would then conduct another 6-8 dosing sessions, also with an integration session in between each. Our Approach During each session, you will be gently guided into your body utilizing a simple meditation or, if preferred, ambient music. We utilize sublingual lozenges, tablets which will be dissolved and swished in the mouth for 10-12 minutes, then spit out. This offers a psycholytic approach rather than a psychedelic approach. We prefer the psycholytic approach for two main reasons: 1) This helps to make ketamine-assisted psychotherapy more affordable, as the presence of a medical professional such as an RN is not needed as they are in IM (intramuscular) or IV (intravenous) injections. 2) Psychedelic ketamine therapy can be effective, but in our hustle and bustle world, the subtle work often gets overlooked, and it is the subtle work that carries us the farthest. If you’re seeking a full psychedelic experience, I often recommend doing so on your own time and terms, ideally in nature or a supportive setting. There are few practitioners I would trust to guide me through such an experience, and they come at an extraordinary financial cost more often than not. With psycholytic ketamine therapy, we are nudging gently and entering into an altered state but not breaking open the doors of reality. Through the experience and through the journey you've taken thus far, which includes your triumphs and your traumas, we will expand not only on who you are but who you are meant to be. Your exuberant and mature presence is sorely needed in this world, and it requires reconciliation of our darker nature and highest aspirations. Who is KAP for? Ask yourself now: "Am I in a place where I am ready for deep self-exploration?" "Am I open to the idea of letting go of things which both pain and comfort me?" "Can I remain off of substances and away from process addictions (such as pornography, over-eating/bingeing and purging, sex, etc.) for at least three days?" You may not be ready for KAP if: Are experiencing active psychosis or mania Have untreated Bipolar I or II disorder Have a personal or family history of schizophrenia Are currently struggling with active substance dependence If you are in a grounded place and ready to make shifts in your life, KAP may offer the support you've been looking for. Ketamine Therapy In Austin, TX - How to Get Started Contact me today for your free consultation to see if ketamine assisted depth psychotherapy might be right for you. Myself and the fine clinicians over at Journey Clinical are ready to help you find deeper meaning in life and be the change in the world you wish to see. We conduct ketamine-assisted therapy in Austin, Texas as well as virtually all over the state. Reach out to us today!