The Truth About Pornography - 3 Ways to Reclaim Potency
Michael Ebbinghaus • February 9, 2022
How Much Would We Like to Reveal to Big Business and Partners?
Pornography is one of the most-consumed media forms in the entire world. Popular sites such as PornHub receive on average of over 33 billion visits per year, more than quadruple the world’s population, and this is only one site! Roughly 30% of all internet traffic is porn-dedicated, and the industry never ceases to produce more and more high-quality content.
One of the most disturbing aspects of the phenomenon is that all of this high-quality content requires no financial compensation on the part of the viewer. Advertising and premium memberships account for a conservative estimate of $15 billion of annual revenue, nearly all of which is held by privately-owned corporations. What exactly is the aim of such powerful, investment-free content?
It is easy to jump to the conclusion that there is a concerted injunction that weaponizes our sexual instinct, tantalizes it with high-quality sexual “partners” with no overt risk taken or contribution made by the participant. This capitalizes on a weak spot in the human organism to hijack our agency, weaken relationships, and emasculate men. This is true to an extent, however it misses a simpler and more human ambition: profit-motive.
Those that invest in pornography, i.e. the producers and marketers of films, are interested in a longer game. Habitual pornography use (which is so easy to fall into that it should be considered one of the greatest inherent dangers of modern society - private access to computers, free content, short duration needed to achieve the desired effect, etc.) lowers testosterone, makes us more impulsive and less confident, weakens intimacy between partners, and promotes an ideal curated reality rather than reality itself.
The claim I wish to make here is that this is not the aim in itself, but that the behaviors and relational dynamics that pornography promotes encourages dissatisfaction with the present and feeds our tendencies towards impulsivity, making us more eager consumers. It is an increasingly individualistic society edging more and more towards total isolation, a world where one need not connect to another but only to the projections and fantasies of one’s perceived sense of self.
"Those that invest in pornography, i.e. the producers and marketers of films, are interested in a longer game."
Beware the salesman peddling free wares. The old adage “there is no free lunch” needs a modern update: there is no free orgasm. Frequent ejaculation is a libido and polarity killer for the male-bodied and relinquishes potent and sacred creative energy, all for the seemingly innocent thrill of effortless hedonism. This is but one piece of the puzzle. That any fantasy can be made manifest, that one can watch a harem orgy or gangbang, etc., with flawless looking performers under immaculate lighting and editing, means that we are promoting a powerful and tantalizing image of sexuality that is divorced from reality. We value the idealized image over the reality of our partner, relish the beautiful skin and trim labia of immaculate young women and the chiseled physiques and enormous phalluses of Adonis-like men over the scars, valleys, scents, and nuances of our partner’s body. If we are undermined in our perceptions at this level, one so fundamental to our functioning as biological entities, then everything built on top of it is prey.
We look for everything and anything which might assuage the terrible realness of direct experience. Eddie Bernays
would give exuberant ovation to the pornography industry.
I am eschewing the impact of dynamics played out in pornography, ones that are often misogynistic and violent, as much has been written about this and there is a movement within the porn industry for more female-friendly content. It is the age-old question of free will vs. persuasion. The promoters and advocates of porn will say that people are merely exercising their free choice to do what they would like to do, knowing full well that offering free content allows deep access to an individual’s psyche, data far more valuable than the fringe costs of production. It is easy to forget how naked one is when they are consuming adult content. All of that data is being sold and shared so that products and ideas can be more effectively sold. We are not consuming the content, rather, the content is consuming us.
The same could be said for most forms of free internet usage such as Facebook and Google, but pornography is playing with one of, if not the most intense, biological drives in the modern world, free as we are from dangers of scarcity.
"Beware the salesman peddling free wares. The old adage “there is no free lunch” needs a modern update: there is no free orgasm."
This is all to promote an air of consciousness around what sort of material we consume, recognizing that it has effects both within and beyond our perception, as well as encourage compassion for those caught within its grip, those 5-8% that find themselves in the realm of porn addiction. Maintaining awareness around this and exercising true freedom in its face will bolster our agency, making us feel less like marionettes and more like the free-flowing energy that communicates with all existence.
With the weapons of knowledge at your disposal, here are 3 practices you can engage in to relax the grip pornography has on you as well as the death grip on your penis.
Porn-Free Masturbation or Pleasure Practice
While there is evidence to advocate that one be careful and conscious in their masturbation habits (i.e. sticking to one ejaculation a week), this article is not advocating for celibacy or abstinence. However, how we choose to masturbate, what our habits are, and what material we choose to engage with is paramount. One of pornography’s greatest dangers is its ability to move our focus away from our body in favor of a powerful stimulus. Gradual change is what I have found to be the most enduring for most individuals. With that in mind, someone that is a daily or near daily consumer of pornography might begin by masturbating once or twice a week without such physical aids. Doing so will put greater attention on the body, finding what feels pleasurable both in and outside the genitals, and promote a process of self-discovery that will bring tremendous pleasure both to the individual and any sexual or intimate relationship they might engage in. Where does the mind go? What sort of situations arise? Let desire be your guide – in the recesses of the mind, it is all permissible. Slowly start cutting pornography from your masturbation diet. Don't be discouraged if arousal is difficult without the material, your imagination will return in time.
Eliminating the Need to Ejaculate
Many male-bodied individuals have an addiction to ejaculation. It is one of the many stories that pornography codes into us. Fixation upon this as the end goal can lead to uninteresting and pressured sex. When we don’t have to get anywhere and can instead be focused on the present, our partner’s skin, scent, sounds, and body language, we enter into a symbiotic state where our bodies can respond to each other (Dr. Cindy Meston at the University of Texas is doing fascinating work on this). We can take on the sacred masculine role and direct the infinite energy of feminine pleasure through our partner and through ourselves. If ejaculation happens, wonderful! If it does not, also wonderful. Ecstatic love-making can be had without releasing a single drop of semen. The above pleasure practice is a great place to start working with this. Simply feel how good it is to be in your body, to have a hard erection, and to play with a fantastical partner or partners. Feel the energy that moves through your legs, up your spine, and into your head and fingers. Come close to the point of no return and see if you can hold it there, experiencing this heightened state of arousal and feeling. Keep a big picture mindset: orgasms had after long periods of activity tend to be more intense, and there will be more pleasure experienced in the longer duration of sexual activity. Our masculine side loves having these little logical gifts.
Decoupling Orgasm and Ejaculation
While male orgasm and ejaculation often coincide, they are actually separate processes. One can have orgasm without ejaculation, and one can ejaculate without having an orgasm. As men, we often have difficulty feeling our emotions, and this tends to keep our energy trapped within certain parts of the body. As such, our sexual energy can often remain stuck near our genitals where it overwhelms the local neural circuitry and we explode into ejaculation. When we are able to better express our emotions, feel our feminine side, then the channels by which our sexual energy can move throughout the body are opened and expanded. This is not wu-wu nonsense or spiritual hoo-ha, but well-founded neuroscience (see Dr. Metson's research). Keep in mind these are all happening along neural channels, and just as our brains can become overly solidified and not use the full availability of their connections, our bodies can become rigidly entrained as well. By coming into contact with our emotions we create potential for expanded sexuality. This energy can flow through the body, permitting greater feeling and therefore greater connection with an intimate partner, and therefore a more integrated, communicative, and gratifying sexual experience that unites us soul-to-soul and soul-to-Spirit.
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What is Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy? Ketamine-assisted psychotherapy (KAP) is a modality that uses low dose ketamine alongside talk therapy to access non-ordinary states of consciousness, helping clients process trauma, depression, and anxiety in a new and deeper way. One of the most common complaints about traditional psychotherapy is that it can take a very long time for unconscious material to surface, even after a solid relationship has formed with your therapist. While there are techniques we utilize in our practice that do not require substances (e.g. dreamwork, sentence completion, automatic writing/drawing, etc.), the introduction of intentional medicine work can reliably shift one into an altered state of consciousness, catalyzing access to unconscious material. After a brief introductory period, you will take ketamine under supervision from your therapist either in-office or virtually in the comfort of your own home. The therapist will guide you to take your own journey as well as direct you towards areas that might benefit from exploration in an alternate perspective. Learn more What is Ketamine? Ketamine is a dissociative anesthetic acting primarily on the glutamate neurotransmitter system. This differentiates it from the traditional psychedelics like LSD and psychedelic mushrooms which are much more prominent in the serotonin system. Ketamine increases neural plasticity, meaning that the brain becomes more flexible to change, open to new insights and behaviors. Ketamine has been used for over 50 years as a surgical anesthetic. It has no impact on the respiratory system, making it one of the most safe and effective medicines available. It is classified as a WHO top 10 essential medicine, and it is so safe that it is still the anesthetic of choice for children. It is a schedule III medication approved for off-label use in assisted psychotherapy, meaning a healthcare professional must be supervising in some capacity. Screening is essential, see below for more information. How KAP Works One of the things we like to stress is that the medicine is taking you to a place within yourself. It is not the ketamine "doing" anything other than relaxing your emotional defenses and allowing for exploration of consciousness. That said, you will feel a degree of relaxation in your body as well as your mind, which allows things which we keep buried to come up to the surface. By shifting into an alternate state of consciousness, we are able to sublimate many of the barriers we have in place that remain opaque to us. Oftentimes simply allowing this material to surface creates greater harmony, and you ma find yourself saying "Oh - this is what I've been afraid of for so long? It's not so big and scary after all." This is not always the case, of course. The nature of what is hidden can also be very painful, which is why the presence of the therapist as well as the therapeutic relationship is imperative when first working with alternate states of consciousness and healing trauma. What Does KAP Treat? Ketamine's claim to fame comes from its potent and immediate anti-depressive effect . While this requires lifestyle change and further exploration - greatly benefitted by depth psychotherapy - this can be incredibly helpful to those experiencing treatment resistant depression. It does this primarily through breaking up rigid neural networks (enhanced neuroplasticity), limiting one's ability to ruminate. Ketamine for depression can be powerful, indeed. In a meta-analysis of over 2,500 patients, it was found that 45% of people had significant drops in clinical depressions inventories, with 30% in remission. The benefits were often sustained at 6-month follow up. Ketamine-assisted therapy can be helpful for those who experience post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD . The clinical evidence here is quite strong, with multiple meta-analyses and an open label study showing durable and significant reductions in PTSD symptoms in as many as 69% of respondents and up to six-months' follow up. Ketamine for trauma is widely studied and efficacious. Anxiety is also significantly reduced after brief KAP treatments. In a glimpse, ketamine can treat: Treatment-resistant depression PTSD and trauma-related symptoms Anxiety and existential distress Addiction and maladaptive coping Spiritual exploration or life transitions What Does Treatment Look Like At Ebb & Flow Depth Psychotherapy, we believe in the importance of a strong therapeutic relationship to help sustain the positive effects from ketamine treatment. To this end, prior to any medicine session, there are 6-8 preparation sessions (this can be reduced to 2-4 if you are already working with another therapist). From there, we will conduct two initial dosing sessions with an integration session in between each. We would then conduct another 6-8 dosing sessions, also with an integration session in between each. Our Approach During each session, you will be gently guided into your body utilizing a simple meditation or, if preferred, ambient music. We utilize sublingual lozenges, tablets which will be dissolved and swished in the mouth for 10-12 minutes, then spit out. This offers a psycholytic approach rather than a psychedelic approach. We prefer the psycholytic approach for two main reasons: 1) This helps to make ketamine-assisted psychotherapy more affordable, as the presence of a medical professional such as an RN is not needed as they are in IM (intramuscular) or IV (intravenous) injections. 2) Psychedelic ketamine therapy can be effective, but in our hustle and bustle world, the subtle work often gets overlooked, and it is the subtle work that carries us the farthest. If you’re seeking a full psychedelic experience, I often recommend doing so on your own time and terms, ideally in nature or a supportive setting. There are few practitioners I would trust to guide me through such an experience, and they come at an extraordinary financial cost more often than not. With psycholytic ketamine therapy, we are nudging gently and entering into an altered state but not breaking open the doors of reality. Through the experience and through the journey you've taken thus far, which includes your triumphs and your traumas, we will expand not only on who you are but who you are meant to be. Your exuberant and mature presence is sorely needed in this world, and it requires reconciliation of our darker nature and highest aspirations. Who is KAP for? Ask yourself now: "Am I in a place where I am ready for deep self-exploration?" "Am I open to the idea of letting go of things which both pain and comfort me?" "Can I remain off of substances and away from process addictions (such as pornography, over-eating/bingeing and purging, sex, etc.) for at least three days?" You may not be ready for KAP if: Are experiencing active psychosis or mania Have untreated Bipolar I or II disorder Have a personal or family history of schizophrenia Are currently struggling with active substance dependence If you are in a grounded place and ready to make shifts in your life, KAP may offer the support you've been looking for. Ketamine Therapy In Austin, TX - How to Get Started Contact me today for your free consultation to see if ketamine assisted depth psychotherapy might be right for you. Myself and the fine clinicians over at Journey Clinical are ready to help you find deeper meaning in life and be the change in the world you wish to see. We conduct ketamine-assisted therapy in Austin, Texas as well as virtually all over the state. Reach out to us today!
